How a tiny shift in communication can improve the most difficult relationship
The way we communicate defines every relationship we have in life. In fact, it determines everything we DO in life.
Are you up for a little experiment?
I would like you to think of ONE person in your life with whom it is always hard to get along with, that guy or girl with whom conversations are never easy, with whom the relationship is somewhat ‘bumpy’. But this person is part of your life, part of your team, part of your family so ‘leaving’ the relationship may not be the best or even a realistic option.
Ask yourself: What would change in your life if you would get along better with that particular person?
COMMUNICATION IS ENERGY. There is energy in every message and conversation. We may get inspired and take action or get drained and withdraw, from just hearing others speak. The same happens when others listen to us.
Many people think, that when it comes to relationships ‘it takes two to tango’. The truth is: ONE person has the ability to change a relationship.
Each of us has the opportunity to increase the energy level we convey in our message, the intention we put behind everything we say. That energy is felt by the other person and will influence the way he/she reacts to you. It’s the POWER of YOUR ENERGY that can completely change the relationship.
How can ensure that we communicate from this higher energy level?
Be AWARE of your core thoughts and intent when you communicate.
Here are some ways to communicate more intentionally:
1. BE CURIOUS (instead of judgemental).
Being curious means being open to being surprised, open to hearing something new, or at least being neutral about what the other person has to say. When we pass judgement, our minds remain fixed around the judgement (which is often negative in difficult relationships), making it very hard to listen with an open mind. Listen as if you are listening when you first meet him/her.
2. AVOID MAKING ASSUMPTIONS
Assumptions are communication shortcuts. We assume certain things because of what people have said or done in the past and we believe there is a pattern that will repeat itself. If you catch yourself making assumptions, ask clarifying questions to get more information and details that may otherwise remain hidden. You may be surprised at what you find out.
3. QUIT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY
When you find yourself being emotionally triggered by something someone says, it affects your energy and will immediately affect the way you respond to what’s being said.
Remember: No one can make you feel anything! What people say and do is all about them. How you respond is all about you!
When you feel strong emotions coming up, remind yourself: “It’s not about me, it’s just the way I think.” Then let go of that thought.
4. WHAT DOES HIS/HER BEHAVIOUR SAY ABOUT ME?
Each person is a mirror that reflects our own perceptions and beliefs. Be open to learn more about yourself by asking:
• “How does his/her behaviour relate to the way I behave?
• “What is it about him/her that I don’t like and what does that say about me?”
• “What do I admire in him/her?”
• “What are the things that we have in common?”
5. MAKE AN IMPACT
When it comes to energy, It’s not ‘what’ you say, it is ‘how’ you say it, that determines the impact. Body language, tone of voice, volume, posture, movement are equally if not MORE important than words. Shifting your energy can completely change the way you deliver your message and vice versa: changing your voice and posture can shift your energy. Everything is related.
Making these tiny energy shifts in your communication will improve a relationship as you create more opportunities to get to know and understand the other person better, as well as to become better known and understood yourself, creating connections on a deeper level.
Let’s Lead!
